oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
True college students do jello shots in the library
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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