I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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