yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
