shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
