we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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