Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm at about main and main street
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
