he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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