Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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