He is an equal opportunity slut.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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