so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
