I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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