Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
