i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
