end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The police scanner is talking about you again....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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