I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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