i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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