guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
