I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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