I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
