mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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