$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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