So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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