Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
