Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
