so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
