I got chris browned last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
