If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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