Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
