If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
