I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
