whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Houston, we have a squirter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
