I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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