Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
