Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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