I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
