so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
