Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
