the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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