Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
