he thought i was a dude.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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