last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we're making bets on your personal life
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I didn't notice because vodka
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
