I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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