The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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