I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
