it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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