She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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