Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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