we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
