New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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