So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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